Each year on my birthday I write a blog post summing up the past year. I never read the previous years before writing the new years as I don't want last years thoughts to muddle this years. This is never easy but since I'm not the best journal writer and prefer to document my journal life through photos, I feel it's a way to sum up the last year in of my life in a way that I can look back and remember what it all meant in words.
(If you wish to read the previous years, click on these links: 2012 2011 2010 2008)
So here are the facts. I am officially 32 years old. I have been pregnant 4 times and have two healthy and wonderful children. I live in Fort Collins, CO but consider this a stepping stone in my journey called life. I have been married for 10 years and very much look forward to the day that I can buy another home and not have to worry or think about moving all of my stuff from apartment to apartment with little to no storage space. I have a LOT of stuff. More than the average person and my husband is ok with this. Well, maybe not OK with it, but accepts that it's part of who I am. I'm proactive, a hard worker and love to bake. Baking / Cooking for others brings me immense joy. It's something that truly makes me happy. I enjoy crafting, my children and being a stay at home mom. Though some days are tough, there are special moments in each day that touch my heart to the core and make me proud to be called mommy.
So how do I sum up this past year? This past year was an adventure. A personal adventure that was completely different than I expected. I had the privilege of spending the majority of this past year pregnant. And though this pregnancy was 100% different than when I was pregnant with Amelie, and completely destroyed my body, it was completely worth it.
You see, this past year I experienced Braxton Hicks from early on. I had heart burn with just about every bite that went into my mouth and invested heavily in Tums. I gained weight, swelled up and had vision problems. I experienced charlie horses, sciatic pain and a VERY bruised tailbone. My back refused to cooperate this pregnancy and wouldn't let me lay down flat. In fact I went 4 months without being able to lay flat on my back without immense pain. My belly grew, and grew, and grew. In reality it was big enough to have two babies in there! I was HUGE! And because of the intense and QUICKLY growing belly towards the last two months of my pregnancy, my stomach stretched and the stretch marks came. Without actually counting them, I am confident that there are between 50 - 100 stretch marks on my stomach which weren't there on my last birthday. And because they came so quickly, they were incredibly painful. I not only got an insane amount of stretch marks but the skin on my stomach began to tear from the weight of the baby and because I stuck straight out. I wore a tacky and uncomfortable pregnancy belt, ugly clothes and lots of dresses. I dreamed odd dreams and slept little. I experienced pain, worry, fear, love, joy and excitement all in their purest forms.
This past year my body changed. My spirit changed. My life changed. And it was all worth it. You see this past year, I became a mother again. My family grew from 3 to 4 and I fell in love all over again. This time it was with a blue eyed chunker who stole my heart and made me want a hundred more just like him. I fell in love with Amelie all over again too. The love that she has for her brother is something that truly makes my heart swell. I'm not sure why I was blessed with these two amazing children when I really deserve a few like me, but I am forever thanking my Heavenly Father for the gift of being a mom.
There are few words that can truly express the immense joy I find in this calling. Throughout my entire life I have been what I consider to be a wander. And in most ways I still am. Unclear of my path and often unclear of my likes and desires and am still attempting to find myself. And yet through the sacred calling of motherhood, I have found my core. I LOVE being a mom. I love reading stories and drawing pictures, making play dough and teaching my kids the few things I am passionate about. I love the unsolicited "I love yous", hugs and kisses. I love the sweet compliments, the quirky questions, the honesty, innocence and the love that a child can show to a parent. And strangely, I love the messes, the whoops and the uh ohs because it gives me opportunities to teach, to show love and forgiveness.
This past year, has helped me to see my family in a different light. I have experienced a fuller life which is more dedicated to others than myself. I have learned that being mom to one is far easier than being mom to two. That I can accomplish little of my to-do lists with two and any and all errands will take twice as long. I may not look my best with spit up on my shirts, bags under my eyes and hair (though clean) that sticks out in various directions, but to me, each of these items reminds me that it was all worth it. Giving up my job, my income, my independence is something I would do again and again because being a mom, staying home with my kids, is really my true passion. It's me. It's every part of me and what I stand for. This past year has taught me these things. It has re-emphised them to my heart and mind and shaped me into the person I am.
How grateful I am for this special gift of being called mom.
1 comment:
Beautiful. Love and miss you!
Post a Comment